quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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