ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
