You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
