Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Who died my cat blue again?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
