look no pants
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
