I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize