It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We need to get me chipped asap
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
