I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
