when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
