What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize