dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
