new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.