you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
