I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.