i permit you to call me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.