You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..