what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.