tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
