I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
