Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
