Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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