if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
