you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
