You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
