Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
