Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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