i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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