she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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