1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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