I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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