me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
