My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
