I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
