i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
