Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
thus making me awesome and them whores
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
