We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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