I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
