I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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