Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
