I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
