Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
