I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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