...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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