If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
