Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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