I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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