I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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