I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
