I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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