Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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