Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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