saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
FUCK WHALES
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
