is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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