Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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