I didn't shave. On purpose
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
