..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
