My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
COCAINE IS GR8
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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