my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
