Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
