I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
