exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
