And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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