the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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