Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
