We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
