By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
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Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize