she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
