i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
