please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
