I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
