Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
